My best friend

My best friend was down on his luck and needed to borrow money. Being left in debt from a divorce, of course I didn't have it and offered to cosign a loan. He called back and said that he was overextended and couldn't make the loan even with a cosigner. I borrowed the money and gave it to him. You may already know this part, he called me last week and asked if I wanted to buy his place on the river for a ridiculously low price of $20,000. He said, You helped me when I was down, I want to return the favor. I don't need this place anymore, I'm single. The long drive into work is just wearing me down."

Of course my wife wanted to see it first, she knows him as well. So we went up there and she loved the place. We sat on the porch and talked until almost dark. As we left, he walked across the front yard toward the street. We stopped and rolled down the window, he was pulling the "For Sale" sign off of his tree, "I don't want anyone calling me." he said. My wife commented on how sad he seemed, that the house was not a home. There were no personal touches on the walls, no mementos, just a few pictures of his kids fishing with him.

I called him Tuesday evening and told him that I'll have the money in his hand Friday. He said there was no hurry, he was on his way to work. The guys at work called and said that he never showed up. I called Hardin County Jail and one local hospital. They called the Jefferson County Jail and the other hospital, no Rex anywhere. I got a call yesterday saying that he had passed away. His health was bad, he had a stroke and two open heart surgeries. I got his son's phone number and called him. They were supposed to go hog hunting so Shane went up there. The deputies were in the yard and wouldn't let him in the house. They said that apparently one of his guns went off while he was cleaning it. I'll leave it at that.

I asked Shane if I could be a pall bearer as he was my best friend and he agreed. I called him back later and asked, "Rex was not a church going man, but he was my best friend. I knew him better than anyone. I don't want some preacher who didn't even know him saying his final words. If a minister is there, that is great, but could I have five or ten minutes to tell people about Rex?" His son said that the grandfather was going to speak, but sure, I could also. A little later I got a text that read, "My family is counting on you to let everyone know everything you feel you need to share at his funeral Mr. Phillip. Take however much time you need to up here. We thank you."

Hurricane Rita dropped three trees on my house and even more in the yard. You had to climb through the trees to get to the door. I went next door, my neighbors had evacuated and told us we could sleep in their screen room if we got hot, which I did. Before daylight, it was Rex White who came banging on my door to check on me, "Phillip, are you alright in there?" My wife didn't know him at the time, all she saw was a big man with the headlights shining behind him, she didn't answer the door. At daylight, he returned. In typical Rex fashion, he had a 30-06 locked and loaded on the front seat, a half gallon of Hiram Walker whiskey and 55 gallons of gas in the back of his truck. He said, "It's martial law, every man for himself."

John Wayne has been gone for a long time now, but if you picture John Wayne, you can see Rex.

Bullfrog, so very sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. As we become older, the loss of anyone we consider a friend is a tragedy. Praying for God to heal your heart.

His son said they will honor any deal made between us. They don't want the property, they like the city. He had a lot of insurance, they will be taken care of.

Condolences on your loss.

Oh my...he died on his birthday. how terribly sad the whole situation must be.

Oh geez, Phillip!! How absolutely horrible. It sounds as if Rex was trying to tie up "loose ends". At least he did think of you amidst his pain.

Go and speak from your heart like you always do, and everyone there will now what a wonderful man Rex was. I'm sure your words will comfort his family, bloth blood and chosen.

Hope things went well.

The funeral was yesterday, it went about as well as a funeral can. His X wife's preacher got up and read the obituary then delivered a flowery but impersonal prayer. I delivered the eulogy and it went well. I made them laugh a time or two but it was heartfelt. I almost got emotional at one time, but I had prayed for strength. I was looking at his younger kids crying in the front row and knew that they needed comfort.

I related several stories about Rex and reflected on his character. I closed with a prayer then his father's minister stood and talked about the afterlife. The funeral was concluded and several people sought me out to tell me that I did good. They were mainly a lot of country people, simple folks who said "That's the Rex that I knew too."

I'll miss Rex, it will be strange living where he lived and died, but he wanted it that way.

Well I'm no professional, but it did come from the heart. I got a text from his son saying"Thank you for telling everyone what kind of man my daddy was." Here is what I said.

My name is Phillip Fernandez, Rex White was my best friend. I probably knew Rex better than anyone in the past few years with the exception of his family. I asked them if I could speak for a few minutes about him and they granted me this honor. Thank you.

I just can’t imagine trying to sum up someone’s life in a few words or a few moments, I won’t even try to do that. When a person dies, people tend to paint them into saints, that’s just human nature. But none of are saints, so I’m not going to do that either. Instead I’m going to tell about the Rex White that I knew.

I can truly say this, Rex White was larger than life in every sense of the word. He was a big man with a big voice and a big personality. But most of all, he had a big heart. He, like me, was not exactly a saint, but, there was a lot more good in Rex than there was bad, nobody can debate that.

He was a country boy, a man’s man. John Wayne has been gone for a long time now, but if you picture John Wayne, you will see Rex White. I will never see a picture of John Wayne or one of his movies again without thinking of Rex.

I worked with a lot of people including Rex for the 20 years that I was at Exxonmobil. But I can count on one hand, the number of people that opened my back gate and sat with us talking in our back yard. Rex opened that gate more than anyone, he was there just last week. We would set beer cans up on a shed roof and shoot them with BB guns. To us, it was good, cheap entertainment, he was a hell of a shot too.

I just can’t imagine never seeing him walk through that gate again. I don’t want to imagine never sitting in my back yard shooting bb guns with him, or never hearing that voice again.

When hurricane Rita dropped three trees on our house and more in the yard, you couldn’t even walk through the yard. You had to climb through the limbs. It was Rex, who before daylight drove to our house and climbed through those limbs to check on me. Scaird my wife to death, she didn’t really know him at the time. I had went to sleep on our neighbor’s screened in porch because it was hot. All she saw was a big man pounding on the door with the headlights behind him shouting, “Phillip! Are you alright in there?”

After daylight he came back, he had a rifle on the seat locked and loaded and 55 gallons of gas in the back of his truck. Rex had a way with words, the way that he talked, a lot of people mimic him at work. In his words he said, “It’s martial law, every man for himself. They’ve got gas and power at Sam’s in Beaumont if you can get past the National Guard.”

So, with the National Guard blocking the exits, trees and power lines down everywhere. I loaded up the gas cans and tried to sneak into Beaumont. I once told Rex a story about my first wife. She was a Mexican but only spoke English. However, when she was in labor, she reverted back to her Mexican roots and began to scream “Ieeeee” Now for some reason, Rex thought this was hilarious and often made that sound at appropriate moments on the radio at work. They would come on the radio and say, “Phillip, the tower is spilling over!” Rex would come on the radio, “IEEEEE”

So, as I finally picked my way through the trees and went under the Washington Boulevard exit, I heard that familiar cry echoing off of the sides of the overpass, “Ieeeeee!” It was Rex White with his head hanging out of the window riding my bumper. As I said, he had 55 gallons of gas in the back of his truck. He didn’t need to take this chance, but he did. He did it just to follow me and make sure that I made it OK. That was the Rex White that I knew and will remember.

Several months back Rex was down on his luck and needed a loan. He came to me knowing that I stayed broke. But I made the loan at the credit union and gave him the money. A few weeks ago we were at the beach and he called me. He asked me if I wanted to buy his property, I said sure I guess and then he named the price. I protested and said “Rex, you can get a lot more than that for the place.” He said, “I know, but you helped me when I was down and I want to return the favor.” That was the Rex White that I knew, loud, proud and boisterous at times, but always the first one to lend a hand when you needed it. He never forgot a favor. He felt the moral need to pay you back tenfold. They just don’t make them like that any more.

I often told Rex how much I respected and admired the fact that his kids came first in his life. He never turned down overtime, no matter how hot or cold it was to put those kids through college. He bragged about you, being a paralegal is it? Financing a very expensive truck on your own, you made him very proud.

He showed me a video on his phone of riding in the front of Shane’s boat. Shane spotted a big stand of cattails or reeds and went right through them, spanking Rex real good. In the background you could hear Shane saying, “Sorry dad.” I could hear you laughing. Cherish that moment, he sure did. Rex lived for his kids, he was so proud of all of you. He told me about the ball games and your accomplishments. You can rest assured that your father was proud of each and every one of you, that you were the light of his life.

Shane, you have handled this most difficult situation with strength and dignity. Your hand has been steady at the wheel in the most trying of times. The strength and character that your father instilled in you shines through. Rex lives on through you and you are a reflection of him, to your credit.

I know this, there is a really big empty place in my life and my heart where Rex lived. I’m not ashamed to say that I loved him, as I’m sure that he loved me, as only men can. We are a lot poorer today and heaven is a lot richer right now. We are selfish and want to keep the ones that we love near us, but they all move on.

We all have our image of heaven, what would be heaven to one is not the reward that another would want. I picture Rex’s heaven as an endless river bottom, filled with deer, hogs, duck and squirrels. Lakes and streams filled with fish. He once called me and in that voice he said, “We’re gonna have a little dog on hog chewin contest tonight, starts around 8:30.” Rex has moved on to his happy hunting ground, someday I will join him. Someday, Rex, Shane, Dalton and myself will fish together.

There is no way that I could ever take his place. But as his friend, I want to adopt you kids as my own. If you ever need anything, you come to me. I know that Rex would do the same for me. Because the four of you were the most important thing in his life. A place to stay? Some fatherly advice? Come get you out of jail? (Shane?), call me. Money? You will usually be out of luck, but you always will have a roof over your head, a bed to sleep on and food in your belly as long as I live.

Let me talk to the four of you for a moment. I lost my thirteen year old daughter to a gunshot wound. I was the first medic to arrive on her scene. It was a small town and the only ambulance was gone. After this, I thought I was going to lose my mind. The end just kept replaying in my head like and endless video tape. It was driving me crazy. My job sent me to three experts as they called themselves, they were merely gore spectators, they held out no hope.

In the end, it was just a simple mother who had also lost a child who gave me comfort. She asked me, “Even if you knew how the end would come, and how painful that would be, would you go back and do it all over again? Just for the love and joy that they brought into your life? The answer was and still is a big yes. Take that with you, the pain of this loss is outweighed by the worth of his love for you and your love for him. The good times far outweigh the bad.

You see, to me the pain of the memory of the end was too great, I had to shove the memory into a box, chain it up and shove it way back into a dark corner of the attic. But, locked up in that box was all of the joy and love that she brought me. It took a while for me to go back and peek into that box, but I did.

Don’t focus on the end, but from the beginning forward. All of those precious years and memories that you had together. Small moments that meant a lot to the two of you. Your first fish, your first home run, your first touchdown. Rex was there cheering for you louder than any father in the stands and he still does.

You cannot possibly achieve any greater accomplishment than to win the approval of your father and you exceeded that. He was and still is your biggest fan.

Let us pray.. Lord we ask that you take Rex into your kingdom. Forgive him for any wrong that he did, take him home. Be with his family, ease their pain and grief. Let them mourn, but not for long. Instead let them soon remember the good times.

Just as Rex made a shelter and provided for his children abundantly, we ask that you make a shelter for Rex and provide for him also. We don’t understand lord, why this happened and do not question your will. We just ask that you heal us and help us to weather this loss. Not to dwell on the end, but instead to remember and cherish all of the precious, shining moments that he brought into our lives. We pray this together in Jesus name, amen.

I am a richer man for ever being able to say that Rex White was my best friend. I will really miss Rex, there will never be another like him. But, as I said, when you see a picture or a movie with John Wayne, you will see Rex. This song is for you Rex.

Well I met his son at the property today. A large white van pulled up, it was from a crime scene and disaster cleanup service. Neither Shane nor myself wanted to go in. They went in and made an assessment, they said that the amount of cleanup would exceed the value of the insurance. They have strict OSHA guidelines they have to adhere to. So the mobile home and all contents will be a total loss and covered by insurance. I got their card and the mortgage companies number. Monday morning I will get the ball rolling on removing the home.

I went and looked at a few new ones and will take my wife to look at them today. I know she will love one of them that I saw, it is really nice. His daughter in law was there to remove the washer and dryer that her mom is still paying for. The cleanup guy said there were "biological s" scattered in that area as well, to be prepared if we made entry. I talked her out of it as the insurance will cover a new washer and dryer. I can also get the two lots next to it for $1,900.00 as his X wife's family owns it and it is up for grabs.

This is the country, the deputies ruled it as accidental as there was no note. Rex called Shane to go hog hunting. When Shane arrived, there were deputies in the yard and they wouldn't let him go inside. So how did the deputies know? All I can think was that Rex called Shane to make sure that he was coming, then dialed 911, laid the phone down and they heard a gunshot. It is a very sad situation.

My wife did like the same mobile home that I did, we put earnest money down to hold it. I'll get the ball rolling tomorrow morning on getting the insurance settlement and the old one moved. Then the fence goes up and the driveway and slab get poured. I can pull my travel trailer up there and leave it there while the work is going on.

I'll post lots of pictures, going to buy a riding mower tomorrow and mow the grass while I wait on the fence people. I bought Vicki a Rottweiler male pup as a yard guard for the front yard. We are now going to Beaumont to get his girlfriend. Both are registered and are fine looking, strong dogs. Pictures are on the way.

Rex had a DWI pending. Also, after hurricane Rita, the little local store had cars parked in front of it. Rex went up to the door and there were people inside shopping. The door was locked so he knocked. A man came up and said "We are closed." Rex asked "What are they doing in there?" "I know them." he said. Rex tried once again and then kicked the glass out of the door and left. This was a felony pending also.

He was going to lose his job, he had over a million dollars worth of life insurance and his kids always came first. He figured he was worth more to them dead than alive, which really isn't the case.