The reviews are coming in from Amazon.

These are not customer reviews but Amazon expert reviewers. I only had 5,000 words to grab their attention so I cut the prologue. I would have never gotten the action of chapter two in. Here they are.

ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

I enjoy the relationship that Andreas and Felipe have, and I hope that the author continues to work/shape this relationship through the story. I want to know more about Andreas and his interest in Felipe. Why doesn't Felipe's father take this interest in him? Where is his mother? Felipe sounds like a interesting boy with a purpose in this family. For what purpose, is Andreas shaping him?

What aspect needs the most work?

I like the basic story so far, but the story is to bare in the beginning. There isn't enough background about the times, culture setting, family that Felipe belongs to. The first paragraph is a perfect example of what needs work in this story. The author is trying to set up the beginning here. I think he should have concentrated on the descriptions of the smells in the barn, and his uncle there honing his sword. Does it matter that a days work was done, or that his uncle taught him how to read and write? The paragraph seems out of order to me. The first two sentences begin with after a work day, then after sword fighting. This doesn't sound good to me. There must be a different way for the author to tell me about Felipe spends his day.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?


I really like Felipe, his relationship with his uncle. I want to know more about them. This is listing as historical fiction, and I would like to know more about the culture and times. I think to do this right off the bat would help to set up the story in a classic way. This story is written more like a movie script than a actual story. This needs some work. There is some good action scenes in here if you include the jaguar attack and fighting scene in town, but there needs to be some work on setting the actual plot and scenes up.

ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

This was one of the strongest action adventure stories I have ever read. Young Felipe and his sword fighting mentor Uncle Andreas bring the 1614 Yucatan, Mexico life to reality.

What aspect needs the most work?


I would not change a thing. I would buy this book on the spot and find the nearest spot to rip through the exciting pages from beginning to end.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

I loved this story and want to read the entire book right now! If this is an example of the entire book, it is ready for market and the cinema!


Overall I'm pleased with my reviews and see where I need to work on it. I actually edited out the entire prologue which described more about the times, culture setting and family that Felipe belongs to. With only 5,000 words to grab the reader's attention, I cut out the prologue. An agent said the opening needs to be strong and my wife found the prologue plodding. I described how the great cultures of the Aztec, Mayan and Incas had been slaughtered and subjugated. I told of the new social order that took place with the Gachupines (pure bloods) acting as the ruling class, even looking down on the children of the pure bloods that were born in the new colonies, referring to them as "Criollos", the local inhabitants or Mestizos were treated like dogs.

I also described Felipe's father and mother, but as I said in order to grab the reader's attention, I cut the prologue, I still have it of course.

I wish Sean Connery were younger, he would be a great Andreas. Antonio Banderas as Felipe.

Actually Antonio is getting a little long in the tooth to be Felipe. He could be Antonio..and perhaps Johnny Depp could play Felipe. He's already got the pirate thing down.