Bullfrogspad-Ponds-fish-friends

Ponds, fish and friends


You are not connected. Please login or register

GTF out of this house!

View previous topic View next topic Go down  Message [Page 1 of 1]

1 GTF out of this house! on Wed Dec 29, 2010 7:08 am

bullfrog

avatar
Master Bullshitter
Master Bullshitter
Being retired indicates that I'm older now and have polished my skills, honed them to a razor's edge. Also, being retired indicates that I have all day to apply said skills toward my own ends. Here is my formula for guaranteed success.

Start early, wake up before daylight every day. Make coffee really strong so the aroma fills the house.

As soon as the sun comes up, get outside and begin making noise. Hammers on the front porch work really well as the vibrations are transmitted throughout the house. drive a lot of nails reinforcing the steps and banisters.

Power tools are really great for this also. A Skill Saw at 07:10 is an excellent choice as drills don't make enough noise. Make sure to set the saw horses really close to the house, a short extension cord is a great excuse for this. Mulching the leaves on your riding mower is another fine choice, start near the bedroom window.

As soon as the wife wakes up, put the TV on "This Old House" or some other home improvement show. Surf the channels until you find a really boring topic like "The care and sharpening of chisels" or something like that, turn the volume way up.

Start early in the day nagging your wife for sex, continue this throughout the day slapping her bottom and grabbing her breasts every time she walks by.

Spread out a newspaper on the kitchen table and begin cleaning your reels, do all of them and take your time. Use the strongest smelling solvent that you can find and chain smoke while you do it.

Play Willie Nelson really loud on the front porch, play the same three songs over and over.

Find a muddy spot in the yard, then walk through it and track it in the house. If you can't find a muddy spot, make one with a water hose.

Make your second pot of coffee, but forget to put the pot under it, it will run all over the cabinet and make a fine mess.

Walk around the garbage "forgetting" to take it out.

Finally, she will break like my wife did this week. She said "You are driving me crazy! I want you out of this house! Go hunting or fishing or something!"

I gave her my best innocent look and said, "OK Love, I'll take the travel trailer and go hog hunting for three days."

"Make it four!" she screamed.

So yesterday I went to Walmart and bought the ingredients for my famous "Buzzard's Breath Chili." Lots of stew meat, ground chuck, jalapenos, habaneros, scallions, chili powder, cayenne powder and plenty of tomato sauce. Angelina National Forest here I come.


_________________
Inside of every old person is a young person wondering what in the hell happened.
View user profile

2 Re: GTF out of this house! on Wed Dec 29, 2010 2:24 pm

jw

avatar
Master Bullshitter
Master Bullshitter
If you aren't careful you may not be allowed back home again................have fun camping and I hope you like doing it a lot ex[whistle]


_________________
"Live and let live and let nature be your teacher,
respect the lives of your fellow creatures"



zone 7
View user profile

3 Re: GTF out of this house! on Thu Dec 30, 2010 12:04 am

Bartender

avatar
Minnow
Minnow
LOL Where's the "like" button??? ex[wink1]

View user profile http://www.marykay.com/andismith/default.aspx

4 Re: GTF out of this house! on Thu Dec 30, 2010 8:35 am

bullfrog

avatar
Master Bullshitter
Master Bullshitter
I don't really do anything to annoy her, I am guilty of tracking in a little mud at times, the horses rut the yard up in places. But after being used to my working, I'm sure that me being around 24/7 is getting on her nerves. In addition to that, she is having hell with her phone. We use Net 10, unlimited talking and no contract. I don't understand it, I bought mine, activated it and there is no problem.

she bought hers and it wouldn't work, it would text only so after spending a lot of time trying to understand the person at Net 10, they sent her a new phone which took over a week. I heard her screaming so I went in there to see what the problem was, she was on the phone again and she couldn't understand the person she was speaking to. She finally gave up. i took the phone and called Net 10. I too was put on hold about 5 times for 2 minutes at a time trying to get her minutes transferred to the new phone.

I finally got this done and now she still can't make calls. She is very frustrated to put it mildly. We are somewhat isolated out here and she is a big phone person. I'll straighten it out before I leave, she can't be here without a phone.


_________________
Inside of every old person is a young person wondering what in the hell happened.
View user profile

5 Re: GTF out of this house! on Thu Dec 30, 2010 3:46 pm

jw

avatar
Master Bullshitter
Master Bullshitter
Drives me nuts when we are trying to fix a problem w/ some electronic gadget that we can't live w/o and when you call customer no support they hook you up w/ Abeeb from India. One time Dh and I were both on the line and he was upstairs and I was downstairs. After saying what?, huh,I didn't understand what you just said about 15 million times and the guy is repeating himself over and over and every time he does he says something like "yes Bill I understand you're problem, I mean every time he uttered it I thought I was gonna die and then I burst out laughing downstairs............it was just like some kind of comedy routine you'd see on tv and I couldn't even talk anymore....it's like my brain just exploded and I went to the funny farm ex[burla The guy finally got frustrated before we did..........imagine that?......before we did? and he hung up on US ex[surprise]


_________________
"Live and let live and let nature be your teacher,
respect the lives of your fellow creatures"



zone 7
View user profile

Sponsored content


View previous topic View next topic Back to top  Message [Page 1 of 1]

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum